omfg so my little cousin (she’s 8) loves superheroes and we were in party city and she was browsing through the boys costumes because the girls side didn’t have the ones she wanted and then an employee tells her that she’s in the wrong side so she grabs a batman mask and says in the lowest voice possible for her age, “don’t question batman”
THIS GIRL IS MY ROLE MODEL
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
i like to tell people when i need to go pee